Dark satire by Allan McNew
The man from Everwoke Consultants stood at the front of the assembled employees of Robber Baron Industries (established 1878) and said “Today we are going to have an anti-racist, anti-capitalist white privilege workshop where you will confront your racist white privilege and learn tolerance for others. I am anti-racist, anti capitalist Berkeley Harvard Bentsworth the Third. Let’s begin.”
The lecturer resembled P. Joseph Goebbels with a Joseph Stalin mustache dominating a weak Heinrich Himmler chin. He wore high end leisure wear, his shoes alone must have retailed for $800.00 – which impeccably matched his Dowton Hunt riding crop. He was a blindingly white man who entered the executive parking lot driving an imported Bugatti Chiron Sport. It has been rumored he has a mansion on the water in Martha’s Vineyard next to the Obamas as well as several residences around the world.
The man clacked on a laptop, an image appeared on the projector screen, then pointed his riding crop at Thomas McDoubter. “What do you see?” Thomas replied, “A middle aged man with an enormous beer gut, wearing a dirty wife beater, a dirty, disheveled Joe Biden haircut, a two day beard, holding a can of cheap malt liquor and smoking a real good nickle cigar.”
“Berkeley said “You’re wrong. That’s a birthing person who’s been pregnant 28 years.”
Thomas broke into hysterical laughter along with the crowd and, after almost recovering, choked out “doesn’t “she” know ‘she’s’ not supposed to smoke and drink while pregnant?
Berkeley thundered “Do you deny science?”
Thomas replied “I suppose that’s the ‘woman’ weight lifter that can’t compete in the Olympics because ‘she’ ruptured ‘her’ testicles in a training accident?” then broke down laughing again
Shouting “science denier!” Berkeley blew a whistle and pointed his riding crop at Thomas. Four black clad goons burst through the door, grabbed Thomas and dragged him into the hallway, closing the door behind them.
Thumps, crashing and yowls of pain invaded the room for a while, then the goons opened the door and threw Thomas to the floor.
Blood running down the side of his head, Thomas painfully stood up and made his way back to his chair. Berkeley softly asked “Are you going to deny science anymore?” One hand on his ribs and the other on his swollen face Thomas groaned while painfully shaking his head.
“Good” said Berkeley, who then pointed the riding crop at a chair next to the door and snapped his fingers twice. The goons rushed Thomas again and dragged him, screaming in pain and fear, to a chair next to the door where they secured him to the chair with duct tape.
The goons stationed themselves in the back of the room. One held a bloody skateboard.
Dominance established, Berkeley continued with his program, clicking the projector to the next slide, which showed a flock of sheep grazing contentedly in a pasture.
“What do we see here?” thundered Berkeley. No one answered. “Good” said Berkeley. “That is a group of white supremacist, Jim Crow, segregationist, armed insurrectionist capitalists. One telling fact is that there are no black sheep among them – they like to hunt and kill black sheep for racist sport.”
Berkeley clicked the projector again, wherein a small herd of black sheep were contentedly grazing. Berkeley pointed his crop at a trembling woman and asked “what do you see?” Voice quavering, she offered the obvious, “black sheep?”
Berkeley shouted, spit flying from his mouth, “No! Those are white supremacists!” Berkeley hit the projector button again and a photo shopped picture of a scowling Larry Elder with large fangs dripping blood popped up. “White supremacist!” shouted Berkeley.
And on it went, insane shouting about white supremacists with picture after picture of black conservatives like Ben Carson, Allen West, Candace Owens, Clarence Thomas, Michael Steele, Thomas Sowell, Niger Inness, Shelby Steel, Charles Payne, A maskless Barak Obama at his non-covid-mandate-complying 60th birthday party with hundreds of maskless, non-social distancing guests, food service workers, entertainment personnel and security staff… Maskless Berkeley was standing next to Obama…
Berkeley froze… “How the hell did that get in there?”
Clacking the keyboard, Berkeley went to the next slide, which showed a pasture half on fire, background hay barn engulfed in flame, panicked black sheep trying to evade white wolves dressed in black clothing who were attacking and devouring the sheep. The white wolves were also throwing bricks and fireworks at cowering piglets dressed in police uniforms.
Pointing his riding crop at another captive participant, who had olive skin, Berkeley shouted “What do you see?” Shrinking down, the hapless captive said “Mayhem?” One of the goons stepped forward, but was forestalled by Berkeley’s outstretched palm. The goon moved back.
Placing his face just inches from the cowering respondent’s face Berkeley gently said “no”, then, turning, stepped back. Violently pivoting he loudly rounded on on his victim – “No! You see anti-racists peacefully protesting white supremacist hate!!! Defund the police!!! Denounce your whiteness!!!” Berkeley threw a chair through a picture window. Glass flew everywhere.
The projector was advanced to another slide and Berkeley froze.
The screen showed several crumpled wolves, dressed in black, bound and blindfolded laying on the ground. Pools of blood drained from their heads while a wolf wearing a Chairman Mao t-shirt and holding a pistol looked down on the bodies. The picture was captioned “ Useful idiots who outlived their usefulness.” The goons looked at each other.
Saying “That got mixed in from an advanced seminar”, Berkeley quickly advanced to the next slide.
The slide wallpaper had an over sized cliche picture of Karl Marx with the caption “Anarchists are an enemy of Marxism because of resistance to any central authority.” A couple of the goons left while Berkeley hastily changed the picture.
The next picture showed the entrance to a large, walled facility festooned with Constantine wire. The image was taken from the middle of railroad tracks which went through the entrance gates. There was a sentence in Chinese script arched over the gate. Cursing and muttering to himself, Berkeley shut down the slide show.
After having the group pair off and berate each other over systemic racism and lack of commitment to meaningful tolerance for an hour or so, Berkeley had them loudly “bahhh” at each other for a while.
After the crowd “bahh”ed for longer than a Trotskyist inspirational speech, Berkeley shouted “Workers of the world unite! Shake off your chains and destroy racist capitalists and their running dog lackeys!!”
With the inclusionist, anti-racist tolerance seminar over for the day, Berkeley lined up the crowd and had each of them take a hard wack with a stick at Thomas while “Bahhh”ing at him on the way out the door.
After the last of the audience left and Thomas was unceremoniously dumped in the street by the remaining goons, the Robber Baron Industries CEO handed Berkeley a check for $300k. Berkeley said “Thanks for your devotion to the cause. The memory of Marx, Lenin and Chairman Mao is grateful, and I’m sure nothing will happen to your nice home and wonderful family.” He added “Tomorrow I lecture at Princeton.”
On the way to his car, Berkeley mocked a prostrate, moaning Thomas then denounced Thomas for being a bigoted bully before kicking him several times in the ribs and moving on.
A pack of goons prevented an incoming ambulance from arriving, and the police were nowhere to be seen.
An addendum: This is a wild, hyperbolic offering written to make several points, one being this sort of scenario has happened countless times in totalitarian countries regardless of despotic ideology and it may be well along the road to happening here. However a further point:
It is one thing for someone to unwittingly repeat a lie believing it is fact. When “they” can force someone to repeat a lie everyone knows to be a lie, it is not only intended to express utter domination over the individual but also to humiliate and degrade the unwilling mouthpiece.
Quit reflexively repeating the conditioned terminology of the left while describing an action, situation or person.
If everything is “racist” or otherwise “bigoted”, then nothing is racist or bigoted.
— Political Pistachio Conservative News and Commentary